TRUMP FIRES COMEY FOR “UNKNOWN” REASON
WARNING! YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER FAKE NEWS WORLD!
Given that no one in the entire Milky Way Galaxy believes that FBI Director, James Comey was fired for his “mishandling” of the Hillary Clinton e-mail investigations, I thought it might be fun to gin up a few more plausible rationales that Trump & Company might have used as justification for Trump's precipitous action. Let me be crystal clear: What follows are NOT real “Breaking News Headlines” but would more appropriately fall under the heading “Fake Breaking News Headlines,” except, naturally, to Kellyanne Conway who lives in a separate world of Alternate Set of Facts reality that exists somewhere:
"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...."
Plausible Reason No. 1:
“In a surprise announcement today, President Trump fired FBI Director, James Comey, following an investigation by the Department of Injustice, after it was discovered that Comey is actually a transvestite who underwent sex change surgery years ago and had been using the wrong bathroom at the J. Edgar Hoover Building, the FBI’s headquarters in Downtown Washington, D.C.”
Plausible Reason No. 2:
“Shockwaves rolled through Washington, D.C. today when Sean Spicer confirmed that FBI Director Comey’s firing came about after Breitbart News published a story proving that James Comey was the long time head of a Child Pedophile Ring that was operating out of a basement dungeon at FBI Headquarters. Breitbart claims that it has security tapes showing Comey and young boys engaging in compromising activities.”
Plausible Reason No. 3:
“It has gone on way too long,” Tweeted President Trump in a Tweet posted this morning one day after the dismissal of the Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. “FBI Comey turned out NOT to be one the best people like I always hire.” Sean Spicer echoed Trump’s assertion: “You all know that President Trump has a longstanding, national reputation for being able to quickly fire someone who’s not doing their job.”
Plausible Reason No. 4:
“In a stunning development, FOX News has learned from un-named, anonymous sources, that FBI Director James Comey was fired today because he was outed by Alt. Attorney General Jeff Sessions as the leading operative in the secret Obama Deep State Cabal trying to thwart President Trump’s ambitious agenda. Comey’s firing was a vital step towards “Making America Great Again,” said White House Special Mouthpiece, Sean Spicer.”
Plausible Reason No. 5:
Department of Injustice Head, Jeff Sessions, has concluded after a careful and thorough investigation by his department, that President Trump had no alternative but to fire FBI Director, James Comey, since the investigation determined that Comey was a Russian spy, long in the employ of Russia’s FSS, (formerly the KGB) and had been paid upwards of 1,000,000 rubles (about $17,000 U.S. dollars) during his tenure as head of the FBI.
Plausible Reason No. 6:
Anonymous sources in the Injustice Department are reporting that the real reason behind Trump’s firing of FBI Director Comey, was that Jeff Sessions and the President had unmasked a Top Secret NSA document revealing that James Comey was actually Satan or, as Session’s phrased it, the Anti-Christ. This revelation was backed up today by the House Intelligence Committee’s Chair, California Congressman Devin Nunes. The vital work of the NSA was a follow on to a similar investigation conducted during the Obama Administration.
See? You really can make shit up that sounds just as believable that Comey was fired for mishandling the Hillary Clinton e-mail investigation.
NOTE: To all my Russian visitors, friends, bots and trolls: You probably won’t be able to use any of my posts in order to create some Fake News stories that you can distribute over your international network of busy bee trolls trying to undermine our elections since nearly all my posts are pretty much virulently anti-Trump.
Oh, but wait a minute: You’re still on Trump’s side aren’t you?