THE CURIOUS CASE OF HULK HOGAN VS. GAWKER
SO WHO KNEW SO MANY BILLIONAIRE FOLKS WERE GAY?
You’ve probably seen news articles about World Wide Wrestling Federation star Hulk Hogan’s (aka Terry Bollea) lawsuit against the internet media organization, Gawker who published videos of Hogan having sex with a neighbor while married to his wife who was not a neighbor but lived on the same premises as Hogan. At the time. Well, so far, Hulk Hogan has been awarded $140.1 million dollars by a Florida jury who, like me, apparently believed that it was none of Gawker’s business who Hulk was having sex with, wife or not. The award has been appealed by Gawker Media and the case remains in limbo for the time being.
But in a sleazy, yet curiously attractive new wrinkle to the whole sorry business, apparently the Hulk Hogan anti-Gawker lawsuit is being spearheaded and funded by Peter Thiel, co-founder of PayPal and gay, according to Forbes Magazine. And get this: apparently Thiel’s support for Terry Bollea is driven by a taste for revenge against Gawker who back in 2007 outed Thiel as being of the persuasion where sex does not involve vaginas but does involve the orifices of other men. Yes. Gawker outed Thiel as a gay man. But in a story line worthy of a Netflix Original Series, the story gets even more weirdly complicated and delicious. In fact, now that I think about it, a television series focusing on gay billionaires dicking around with gay other men's dicks, seems like a no-brainer to me despite my off-center tastes.
But back to the story line. You see, Gawker has a penchant for outing closeted billionaires – well not exclusively billionaires, but them too – having also published a story last summer alleging that a married Conde Nast executive had been dicking around with a gay porn star, presumably not only with the porn star's dick but we don't know this for a fact. That story they removed after being threatened by Conde Nast with legal action but the affair – the publication of unsupported allegations and not the executive gay alleged affair with a gay porn star – resulted in the resignations of Gawker’s executive editor and their editor in chief. Now I’m hopeful that the un-named Conde Nast executive's dicking adventures were reciprocated by what I can only assume was a large-dicked porn star, since most such porn movie stars are pretty much universally well-endowed when it comes to the dick department. This, I freely admit, is from my own personal experience.
But wait. There’s more! You see Gawker’s founder, Nick Denton, is also gay although no allegations of dicking around with gay porn stars have been made against him. Also, PayPal’s Thiel (a Trump delegate, by the way) is funding the “Committee To Protect Journalists” and the tech website Pando Daily and has made donations to internet journalist James O’Keefe III who has conducted stings against CNN, NPR and ACORN. But didn’t I tell you that this story has all the makings of a gigantic Netflix hit series? Yes! So what we have is a couple of rich, gay billionaire guys pissing on each other (See? I told you!) over their personal sexual proclivities with heterosexual Hulk Hogan the unintended beneficiary of all this pissing! I guess you could call this effect "collateral damage" if you are a hetero. Not so much if you are gay. After all, pissing on another gay man is just one more trendy activity that most of us engage in. But I’m reasonably certain that Hogan is deeply indebted to the now in-the-closet, now out-of-the closet pissing match between Thiel and Denton.
But wait! There’s still more! Back in 2007, Denton, who is openly gay, stated that Thiel was “so paranoid that, when I was looking into the story a year ago, I got a series of messages relaying the destruction that would rain down on me, and various innocent civilians caught in the crossfire, if a story ever ran.” In response, Thiel described Denton’s “Valleywag” rumor site “the Silicon Valley equivalent of Al Qaeda.” Whoa!!!! Tough talk here for gay men, right?
But continuing with the juicy storyline: Collateral damage yet richly rewarded victim, Hulk Hogan in his thus far successful invasion of privacy lawsuit, videotaped him and the then-wife of his best friend, Heather Cole, having sex. How the tape wound up in the hands of Gawker remains a mystery. But Cole’s hetero hubby? Well, Todd Clem (Clem? This is not a joke is it?), aka “Bubba The Love Sponge” is a Tampa, Florida, radio shock jock. But “Bubba The Love Sponge?” Really? I told you this is a guaranteed hand over fisting money maker for Netflix!
So here’s my proposal. How about drafting “Magic Mike’s” Channing Tatum for the role of Thiel and maybe Brad Pitt (or Zach Efron if Pitt is too busy taking care of his and Angelina’s herd of adopted children) for the role of Denton? And, if she can get out from under hubby Kanye West long enough for filming, Kim Kardashian might be a good fit for the Heather Cole part. That leaves the Hulk Hogan character to fill. Oh! Wait! But of course, Hulk (aka Terry Bollea) Hogan will play himself! Perfect!
And the title of the Netflix series? How about something like:
“Gay Billionaires Pissing Matches Exposed” if it’s done as a reality show or maybe
“Down Time Abby: How Gay Billionaires Spend Their Leisure Hours” if it’s done as a historical period piece.
“Porn Stars Servicing Their Billionaire Gay Clients”
which I envision as a no-holds-barred docudrama based on the real life events of Denton and Theil with lots of full frontal nudity (and rear nudity, of course!), maybe some hand and blow jobs and un-simulated naked sex. Hey! Works for me!
Have A Good Day Folks!!