STRANGE BUT ALL TOO HUMAN NEWS

WEIRD NEWS JUST FOR A LAUGH




FROM: NEWS OF THE WEIRD
APRIL 2016

Compelling Explanations

Urges:

 (1) Ms. Ashton Barton, 33, charged with shoplifting a vibrating sex toy from a CVS pharmacy in Largo, Florida, in February, tried for police sympathy by explaining that she was in a troubled marriage. "My husband doesn't want to touch me anymore," and "I would rather do this than be unfaithful."

(2) Neighbors of a loudly frisky couple in a Stockholm, Sweden, apartment building were so frustrated by the noise that they reached out to the country's health minister, Gabriel Wikstrom -- who took the side of the randy couple (according to a translation by Stockholm's The Local): "Sounds nice for them, I think. Good for their wellbeing and thus public health as well." [The Smoking Gun, 2-29-2016]


Nice Tries:

(1) Benjamin Grafius, 39, charged with several instances of indecent exposure to Amish people near New Holland, Pennsylvania, told police that he targeted them because he knew they would not use phones to call police (March).

(2) Valerie Godbout, 33, visiting Orlando from Montreal and charged with drug possession after alerting police with erratic driving, told the officer that she was on the wrong side of the road because that's the way traffic works in Canada. (It's not.) (March).

(3) Emily Davis, 21, caught by police displaying her recently deceased grandmother's handicap-parking badge, explained that she was merely "using it in her honor." (Portsmouth, England, February).

Science Breakthroughs

-- The Emerging American "Right" of Rejecting Science: In 2000, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention declared that measles had been eliminated in the United States, but by 2014 Americans had resurrected it (677 reported cases), and researchers from Emory University and Johns Hopkins set out to learn how -- and recently found the dominant reason to be the purposeful decision by some Americans to refuse or delay widely available vaccinations (especially for their children). (The researchers found similar, but less-strong conclusions about whooping cough.)


Ironies

(1) Ervin Brinker, 68, pleaded guilty to Medicaid fraud as CEO of the Summit Pointe health care provider in Michigan and was sentenced in January to 32 months in prison. He had embezzled $510,000 in "mental health" payments and apparently spent it all on a Florida fortune teller.

(2) Two of the three candidates for the Republican nomination for county property appraiser in Erwin, Tennessee, in November died before the election, leaving Rocky McInturff the only survivor. However, he is ineligible for the nomination because he lost badly on election day by one of the two dead candidates. [3-2-2016]


Israeli police announced in June that they were investigating reports that a syndicate in a town just north of Gaza was running daily betting pools on the site of the next suicide bombing, with odds ranging from 17-1 in the peaceful town of Eilat to 3-2 in Jerusalem. The syndicate's alleged betting cards limit the action to attacks by Arabs on Jews. [The Guardian (London), 6-13-02]

In May, Tampa, Fla., judge Richard Nielsen, apparently impatient that a 16-year-old burglary convict had not acquired an attorney for his hearing on restitution to the victim, ordered the boy to proceed anyway, to call witnesses and introduce evidence, even though the boy did not know what "restitution" meant and thought at first that the prosecutor was there to help him. (Florida law requires attorneys for all juveniles.) A few minutes later, Nielsen ejected the boy's mother from the courtroom because she would not stop giving the boy advice. (Nielsen's behavior might not have come to light had not a St. Petersburg Times reporter happened into the courtroom by chance.) [St. Petersburg Times, 5-28-02, 5-31-02]

Least Competent Criminals



Louis Papakostas, 35, was sentenced to eight years in prison on drug charges in Corpus Christi, Texas, in May. He had been convicted in 1987 and had gone on the lam for nearly 15 years, but he ran into his prosecutor at a restaurant in May and decided to say a nostalgic hello, apparently believing that authorities were not interested in him anymore. Papakostas even had to jog the prosecutor's memory, but once that was done, the prosecutor notified police. [Corpus Christi Caller-Times, 5-31-02]



SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LAUGH!

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