Shoving The Gay Agenda Down Right Wingers’ Throats

How many times have you seen this epithet used in print and television news reports?  Heard it hurled against pro-gay demonstrators?  Read it in the comments sections of online news stories?  On Fox News? And don’t even ask how many times Rush, Sean, Glenn, Sarah and Michele have spouted this handy-dandy phrase as they go about their daily business.  (Well in the case of Sarah I’m not quite sure what this lovely lady’s daily business is these days.  But later for that.)  And don’t get me started on the American Family Association and Tony Perkins.  For him and his “Christian” organization there are quite a number of objects that I would love to shove down his and their collective Christian throats, none, however, attached to my precious body even though I am distinctly aware of the possibilities!

When you think about it, the imagery of “shoving the gay agenda down peoples’ throats” is quite intriguing really.  I mean, is the agenda printed on ordinary 20 lb., 8 ½ “ by 11” matt or semi-gloss copy paper?  Or maybe it’s done up (as one would naturally expect from “the gays”) on a more classy, 32 lb., Antique Laid, watermarked, bond in maybe cream or ivory?  But then, my personal preference would be stone tablets, yeah, maybe Carrera marble or gray granite tablets, more like the 10 Commandments, let’s say.   Seems to me if you’re going to be shoving anything down someone’s throat you might as well use an implement that’s got the heft to get the rapt attention of the people who’s throats your shoving it down.  Right?  (OK. All you gay men out there with your creative minds and overheated imaginations, I’m NOT recommending stone tablets, OK?)

A few days ago, in some idle yet vindictive moment of clarity, I realized just how absurd this metaphor really is.  And, as many of you are aware, I’ve been on a lifelong personal quest to relieve worldwide suffering, bigotry, intolerance and hate – fully re-directed these past few years to our domestic shores – and a part of this effort is focused on pointing out in online comment sections (Yahoo and Politico for the most part) just how wrong headed all the right wingers, Tea Baggers, Conservatives, Republicans and Obama/Hillary/Fag/Black/Lesbo/Immigrant - sorry, there are just too many to cite - haters are.  

So here’s what happened. I think it was an article about the Kentucky Supreme Court’s decision (or was it Kansas?  Nebraska?) striking down the legislature’s efforts to protect Christian businesses and Christians in general from having to serve those awful 9% of the population’s agenda shoving, Ru Paul loving,  cross-dressing, immoral, sub-humans known collectively as “the gays.”  Of the two thousand of comments, about 10% were gay positive and the rest?  Well let’s just say that “agenda shoving” was as common a phrase as white maggots wriggling around in rotting meat.  (No disrespect meant. Just employing a metaphor.)

Into my mind came the picture of a gang of “the gays” – maybe 10 or twelve or so – armed with a carload of agendas (probably the Antique laid version) knocking on Mr. and Mrs. Patriotic American’s front door.  Probably early in the morning to catch Mr. PA dressed and ready for work.  As Mr. or Mrs. PA opens the front door, half “the gay thuggies” leap into action and begin pummeling the poor innocent victim and throw him (or her) to the ground, straddling him and forcing the victim into a sexually suggestive position.  The other half, with the victim pinned to the ground and presumably not enjoying the role playing thing, quickly remove rolled up agendas each neatly wrapped in a shocking pink ribbons from their messenger bags, tool belts, and leather pouches and stuff six or so simultaneously down the throat of the poor struggling victim.    Then the gay gang, having completed their mission, leaps into their Blue VW Beetle and drive off to shove a few more agendas down some poor unsuspecting patriot’s throat.

So my replies to the homophobes and their “gay agenda” tirades went something like this:

“So RedStateAmericanPatriot, can you tell me where and when it was that some “fag” as you referenced in your post (or maybe it was a group of them, you know, off course from the local high heel drag race) shoved what you call the “gay agenda” down your throat? Did they catch you as you left your house for work?  At the bus stop?  In the Walmart parking lot maybe?  I mean I hope you called the police because, as a true American Patriot I’m sure you’re aware that assault is a crime and I’m equally sure there’s some Constitutional amendment (the Second one maybe?) that protects you from this vicious activity.  Or maybe this hasn’t happened to you personally.  If not, could you put me in contact with someone who has had this awful experience?  I’m kind of wondering just how prevalent this “agenda throat shoving down” violence thing really is.  From the comments here it seems to be a nationwide epidemic.  I wonder if paramedics know the correct emergency treatments?   Are their support groups for the victims?  Frankly I think this threat to America should be nipped in the bud, if it hasn’t gone too far already.  Me?   I have a very severe gag reflex and I rather doubt that I would survive having a gay agenda shoved down my throat for very long.   A few minutes perhaps, but any longer and I suspect my throat would close up tightly around that agenda no matter what color, width, length or weight it might be.  And that would be bad.  Wouldn’t it?”     

I received not a single reply.

In truth, when it comes to the “gay haters,” they are having a bit of a rough time of late.  You know the 17 states and DC thing, Supreme Court decision, State court decisions and of course the skyrocketing rise in popularity of Ru Paul’s “Drag Race.”   But have I shown the poor dears any mercy?  Oh, dear me no!  That’s just not in my nature.  I just wish I could shove my agenda down the throat of every right wing, Tea Baggin’, fag hater out there.  Maybe then we could have some peace and quiet in the land.

Reposted: April 9, 2014


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