Union of Nations, Kampala, Kenya
By: Ramekin Price George (RPG)

EXCLUSIVE: UN Announces Exclusive New Development Assessment Category for the United States

In Kampala today, the head of the Union of Nations (UN), Bindi Kay Mooner, announced that the world organization has added a new category to its scheme to assess the national development of the world community’s 196 nations.  Prior to the release of its annual report, due out tomorrow, Secretary Colonel Mooner stated that the Oversight Committee for Determining Development Status (OCDDS) revised its assessment system to add “Fourth World Nation” (FWN) as a category to accommodate the United States’ unique development level. 

“Once a First World nation and world leader in educational attainment levels, family incomes, health care outcomes and overall well being of its domestic population,” said Mooner, “the United States no longer registers in the same data ranges as other Western Industrialized Nations (WID’s), thus the US no longer fits the criteria of First World Nation (FWN) or any of our existing categories.” 

It was apparently this anomaly that resulted in the creation of this brand new category, FWN, exclusively for the benefit of the United States.  Advised of this surprising development, U. S. Senator from Wisconsin, Republican Michelle Backman, responding to our reporter’s (RPG’s) query said:   “Just another example of American Exceptionalism!” Queried about her overall opinion of the UN, she replied:  “While I disagree with the radical views and terrorist activities of the ultra liberal, Communist-led UN, this time I think they got it right for once.”  In the past Senator Backman has called for the dismantling of the UN’s Worldwide Food for Children’s Basic Survival Level Nutrition Program (UNWFCBSLNP) proclaiming it “an obvious Communist plot to create generations of “moochers” on a world wide scale.”

When our reporter, RPG, confronted the Senator with the possibility that the new category, Fourth World Nation (FWN), could be considered an insult to America, she replied: “It’s no insult if the United States of Freedom Loving, Patriotic, Tea Drinking America (USFLPTDA) is no longer associated with all those European socialist countries who won’t allow their lazy, mooching, citizens to go hungry and teach them the lesson that personal responsibility and individual initiative are the only sure means to achieve success in life.”
An advanced copy of the UN report (provided to our reporter courtesy of America’s National Spy Agglomeration (NSA)) recommends in its “Recommendations To UN Member States” section that the United States be included on the UN’s “Travel Recommended Only With Exceptional Caution” (TROWEC) Watch List. The report noted that the extreme deterioration of conditions in the US might be a result of a virus (identified by the Centers for Dumbness-As-A-Way-Of-Life Concept (CDC)) that causes severe diminution of cognitive and rational brain functions.  The CDC first noted the appearance of the virus in 1980 and, until recently, the microbial invader – now in its fifth iteration (MI-5) – had been a “slow maturing”  (SM) virus mainly infecting America’s Southern states.  The inclusion of the United States on the latest Watch List, as noted by the Center for Dumbness As-A-Way-Of-Life Concept (CDC), is due to the increasingly rapid spread of the virus, that, according to an anonymous CDC scientist in Macon, Georgia, now appears to have evolved into a mini-pandemic.  “Despite all our efforts, there appears to be no short term cure on the horizon,” he told RPG.

“It’s a tragic situation,” concluded Secretary Colonel Mooner.  “Never in the history of our organization has a formerly exceptional nation fallen so far, so quickly.”  

July 31, 2013


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